Wild News: California makes it easier for police officers to justify using deadly force.

California Police Officers can breathe a sigh of relief thanks to the leadership of their Governor, Gavin Newsom.  Newsom recently struck down a law which allowed police officers to gain help from nearby citizens when making an arrest. Without that option, officers will have less gentle solutions available in effecting their more difficult arrests.

“I’m actually relieved about this and am thankful to Governor Newsom,” said an anonymous female officer with a small frame on the Los Angeles Police Department.  “I can now more easily and quickly justify using deadly force since I can’t call upon citizens to help me in effecting an arrest of someone who’s bigger than me. Shooting criminals is so much easier than fighting them. And, without help, I can just shoot first and figure out why and how later when I write my reports.  I think the death report is even less paperwork than all the witness information I’d have to gather from some citizen who tried to help me, anyway. Less paperwork means less trees cut down. I see where Governor Newsom is going here. He’s an environmentalist.”

Not everyone was happy with the new action by Newsom, however.  Dustin Stevie, President of the California Fraternal Order of Felons, said in a written statement:

… Although Governor Newsom may have had good intent when he initially repealed the requirement for citizens to help Police Officers who are fighting alleged criminals, it was not well thought out. Now, anyone who physically objects to being arrested has less chance of surviving.  The gun-happy police officers of California are going to start shooting us anytime we start to beat them in a one-on-one fight. It’s not fair. If we start to get the upper hand and a bystander helps the police, that is one thing, but if the police are able to shoot us just because they know citizens aren’t allowed to help and we are about to knock them out or they think we might smash their head into the pavement, we have less options.  This time, Newsom went so far left that he went right.”

In a strange turn of events, liberals all over California are demanding Newsom repeal his repeal in efforts to save the lives of the criminals they all so fiercely love to protect.

This is a developing story. Check back with Idaho Wild News later for the latest updates on whether the repealing of this law will be once again repealed.

Wild News is meant as a satire web publication series, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-possible, wildly impossibly, or mostly fictitious ways. All articles contained within Wild News are, as far as we know, fiction, and presumably fake news but is that really such a stretch?
Other side effects of reading Wild News may include uncontrollable laughter, agreement to the absurdity of the scenario, resemblance to the truth which is purely coincidental, and a strong desire to move to Idaho.


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